


Look What You Made Me Do

by hlopushka



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Dramedy, M/M, Not Beta Read, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-03-08 16:40:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 13,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13462260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hlopushka/pseuds/hlopushka
Summary: August, 2017Me: wouldn't it be hilarious to have jackbum hate-flirting in their songs?January, 2018Jaebum: DON'T TOUCH ME/PRAY/CHANNEL





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Посмотри, до чего ты меня довел](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15823641) by [jana_nox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jana_nox/pseuds/jana_nox)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs mentioned in that chapter:  
> Pray by Jaebum [soundcloud](https://m.soundcloud.com/off_def/pray) | [lyrics](https://twitter.com/bbomirae/status/955466813302702080?s=09) (translated by @bbomirae on twitter)  
> 

Jackson finds out the minute Jaebum drops his mixtape.

"Oh shit," Jimin gasps as she sits up straighter in her seat almost spilling her drink in the process, her eyes comically large at what she sees on her phone.

Jackson laughs at her before his own phone starts buzzing with notifications.

"Don't!" Jimin says as he reaches to check it out.

Twitter is going crazy over something, and his mentions are on fire. Jinyoung (!) has sent him a message in kakao talk, and Jackson curiously reads it first.

"How about," it says, "we go out this very minute to have some meat, and I'll forgive you for all the times you mistreated me?"

Jackson hasn't finished reading it as Jinyoung calls, and that, that overkill is what clues Jackson in.

"I'm almost at your place," says Jinyoung, and Jackson interrupts him.

"What has he done?" he asks, and the dread washes over him. "It's Jaebum, right?"

"Seunah," Jinyoung says, and Jackson's imagination gets the best of him.

"Did he out me?" he asks, because what else could be that bad.

"Oh my god," Jimin grabs his hand and takes his phone, makes Jackson look at her. "He released an album. He doesn't mention you. No one gets outed."

"And twitter?"

"Shippers," Jimin shrugs.

Jackson tries to downplay his worry. She's right.

"He's a singer," he says reasonably as if it's suddenly okay for them to talk about Jaebum again, "he does it all the time. It's his job."

"Well, this one is his hate song to you," Jimin says at the same time as Jinyoung says, now on speaker, "Yeah, just ignore it."

So of course Jackson has to listen to it. As if he ever could leave something that has to do with Jaebum alone.

He listens to the mixtape together with Jimin, and then he listens to it again, with Jimin and Jinyoung, and then he laughs it off and says he doesn't care about it. They hang out some more until he sees both of them out, Jimin still throwing him worried glances, Jinyoung trying to stay, a dork.

And then when he's alone he listens to it another five times. Or ten.

He cries, a little, but since there's no one to see it, it doesn't count. And then he listens to it again, and he listens to it as long as it takes for him to get angry.

"I pray that you're unhappier," he mutters, rage making him see red. What's insulting is that the song is actually good. Jackson just about can see Jaebum tuning the melody to show off his voice, the narcissistic asshole, trying to make everyone sympathise with him all the while crooning about how he hates Jackson. Cry me a river! Who the fuck broke whose heart, does he need a fucking reminder?

If he wants a war, he can have a war.

Jackson is a singer, too. He can rhyme.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, it's not actually supposed to end like that but I wrote it for laughs and I'm not promising anything.
> 
> Maybe next Jackson's song will inspire me hehe.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs mentioned in that chapter:  
> Pray by Jaebum [soundcloud](https://m.soundcloud.com/off_def/pray) | [lyrics](https://twitter.com/bbomirae/status/955466813302702080?s=09) (translated by @bbomirae on twitter)  
> Okay by Jackson [YouTube](https://youtu.be/4xN-jUfJAyM) | [lyrics](https://www.google.ru/amp/s/genius.com/amp/Jackson-wang-okay-lyrics)

He can rhyme and he can compose, apparently what he can't do is to keep being angry for long enough to string a song together.

"Maybe you're just not a hateful person," Jinyoung suggests as he listens to the demo of 'okay' on Jackson's phone a week later.

They are out for some late dinner in a salad bar not far from Jackson's place. Jinyoung is in the middle of preparing for a new role so he unhappily picks at a healthy salad with an organic avocado and cashew.

"Oh but I am," Jackson looks at his own salad.

"From what I hear you're a sad person," Jinyoung passes Jackson's phone back across the table.

Jackson lets that slide. 'Okay' is definitely not a vengeful hymn he was trying to come up with. He likes it anyway. It's as truthful as he can be, and he's definitely trying his best to be as okay as possible. Maybe that's a revenge, too. Being okay, that is. Jaebum is definitely not as okay as Jackson is. It doesn't sound like he's even a little bit okay, to be honest. Not that Jackson feels sorry for him. Jaebum broke his heart, he doesn't deserve any kind thoughts.

"I just thought we've both moved on," Jackson says truthfully, "and then he pulls a Taylor Swift on me."

Right on clue (because Jackson's life is a joke, and because Jaebum's heartfelt hate song to Jackson is currently playing on every corner. The Definitive Break Up song, they call it.) 'Pray' starts playing.

"Who knew that all he had to do to achieve an all kill is to break up with me and write a song about that," Jackson spits bitterly and starts menacingly chewing on cucumbers. Jaebum sings about levels of unhappiness he wishes upon Jackson, and Jackson stabs an organic pea after an organic pea with his fork in his bowl.

"Isn't Jaebum hyung not even religious?" Jinyoung asks jokingly, kindly, and Jackson thinks about that for half a second.

"Maybe he's seen the light now that I'm out of his hair," he shrugs. "Anyway, can we stop talking about him, you probably don't wanna hear shit about him anyway."

"I don't mind," says Jinyoung mildly.

And Jackson knows Jinyoung. He narrows his eyes.

"Has he been saying shit about me?"

Jinyoung smiles unhappily and doesn't say anything.

Somehow even after listening to Jaebum's feelings in the song format, having a confirmation Jaebum really hates him still hurts.

They eat in silence until the song is over, and Jackson thinks that the awkward moment is past, but then a young lady one table over asks for a replay.

Jackson gives her a stink eye.

"Sure thing, I like that song too" says a guy behind the counter and hits replay.

Jackson stands up.

"I need to go," he says.

"Jackson, wait," Jinyoung hurries to his feet. "I'll go with you."

"Oh my god," exclaims the lady, "are you Jackson Wang?"

"I think I'm going to go crazy," sings Jaebum.

Jackson can relate.

"That's really unnecessary," Jackson says to Jinyoung, smiling, trying. "I really have to go, I have an early recording."

He takes off as fast as he can, leaving Jinyoung to deal with the bill.

He'll have to treat him some other time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm probably going to keep writing it in these small chunks of text. I'll try to update every 2 to 3 days, but please be kind to me if I don't. I tend to be really busy at work.
> 
> I decided to write this fic in these small chunks to be able to update often. as I write in relation to things (events, releases) that are very recent I want to be able to address them almost immediately.
> 
> For purposes of this story I'll be twisting timeliness and releases as I want to. For example, Jaebum's album doesn't include Don't touch me and, maybe, Channel. I need him to be able to keep releasing stuff in this verse, right? :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might be failing at the 'hilarious' part.
> 
> Songs mentioned in that chapter:  
> Pray by Jaebum [soundcloud](https://m.soundcloud.com/off_def/pray) | [lyrics](https://twitter.com/bbomirae/status/955466813302702080?s=09) (translated by @bbomirae on twitter)  
> Papillon by Jackson [YouTube](https://youtu.be/BBVLj_PSsZ8) | [lyrics](https://www.google.ru/amp/s/genius.com/amp/Jackson-wang-papillon-lyrics)  
> Congratulations by Day6 [YouTube](https://youtu.be/x3sFsHrUyLQ) | it has lyrics in captions

He sees Jaebum for the first time since their break up in the Mnet building the very next day.

Jackson is here for the last leg of his 'Papillon' promo, and Jaebum is just starting his for 'Pray', it seems. Making the rounds, collecting his prizes, probably.

Jackson performs live this time, so he has some time to waste between rehearsal and the show and he drops by Day6 recording to cheer for Wonpil as best friends ought to do.

He didn't even think Jaebum could be there. But then again, Sungjin is one of the best friends Jaebum has, and shouting annoying fanchants is his holy duty as well.

So that's how Jackson sees him for the first time in almost half a year, shouting with the fans to the new Day6 single chorus.

He looks okay, Jackson thinks. Content.

Jaebum turns his head and catches Jackson looking at him, his face losing some of its happiness, and Jackson smirks satisfied.

He doesn't look back, and when the recording is done he hurries to hug Wonpil and proposes they get some coffee or something. Maybe drop by Jinyoung and annoy him.

They get their drinks and find a table to sit.

"Sent a message to Jinyoung," Jackson tucks his phone in his back pocket.

"He won't come," Wonpil laughs easily, "he won't see it until he's eighty."

"Very true," Jackson snickers. "He's such a shitty friend, why do we even bother?"

"The worst," Wonpil agrees eagerly, "But we're the best, that's why."

They laugh and then they talk about Jinyoung's drama and Day6's new project and they mock each other, Wonpil going 'aite aite aite' and Jackson hugs him, hiding his face.

"Jaebum hyung's new song," Wonpil starts carefully when they calm down a little bit, and Jackson prickles.

"It's complete bullshit, right?" he interrupts, "Your 'Congratulations' is way superior and should be called the Break Up Song of Generations. Korea has no taste."

Wonpil laughs, but his eyes are warm and sad, and Jackson wants to hide away again.

By the time the show starts Jackson is slowly boiling.

Jinyoung finds him before the show starts and they joke a little bit. Him being so careful is also irksome, they were past that stage of Jackson's break up where all his friends felt the need to constantly check up on him. And then Jaebum ruined everything.

Jackson just wants (the remains of) his normal life back.

So when he's watching Jaebum receive his win, he tries to keep his face polite and pleasant up until Jaebum says “... And Happy New Year to everyone! I hope we all can leave in the past all the toxic relationships and people who don't treat us right. Let's win the break ups! Thank you!”

The audience gasps. 

And Jackson is just, he's just too speechless to react at all. 

What an asshole, he thinks. 

He hears Sana whispering to Dahyun, “Is it actually happening? Is JB oppa talking about someone specific?”

“How scandalous,” Dahyun whispers back. They giggle.

Jackson feels some kind of weird competitive rage building up in his chest. Does Jaebum think about those charting wins as him winning in their break up? He wishes. The angry words that were missing in ‘okay’ come to his mind easily now, and he hurries off the stage to write them down. 

He didn't spend all his time back in Hong Kong learning how to stab people with his sabre to lose in a battle of wits. 

Jaebum might be slightly ahead at the moment, but Jackson will end him, just you wait.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs mentioned in that chapter:  
> Rap thingy by Bambam and Jackson [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UlTTseFu6sM) | [lyrics](https://www.instagram.com/p/BeYEonbAfWU/?hl=ru&taken-by=jacksonwang852g7)  
> Victim of Love by Sanjoy ft. ARS (GOT7 Youngjae), Stephen Rezza, Elliott Yamin [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KouZDFKL_Xg) | [lyrics](https://www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/Sanjoy-feat-Ars-Stephen-Rezza-Elliott-Yamin/Victim-of-Love)  
> 

Two days later a bunch of Jackson's friends perform at a small venue in Hongdae, Bambam is one of them. They've been planning to have a collaboration since forever, and the schedules are finally kind enough to allow it.

"Really?" says Bambam when they discuss the performance. "Did I do anything to you for you to bring your drama here? It's unwelcome."

"Everyone loves drama," Jackson shrugs, but Bambam doesn't look convinced. "Do it for your favourite hyung."

"Huh? Who's that? Mark hyung is my favourite hyung," Jinyoung's pettiness is apparently contagious.

So Jackson has no other choice but to headlock him.

"Is it wise though," Bambam says after Jackson is done trying to suffocate him.

Jackson thinks about that, but...

"Am I wise though?" he asks, half joking, and Bambam places a hand upon his heart, his face in a mocking awe.

"That sounded almost cool," he says, and that's it, that's the deal.

 

Their collaboration was supposed to be a small intro to one of Bambam's songs but they have to move it up, change the setlist, move the accents.

"We can place you before me?" Youngjae says tentatively after looking at the setlist for what feels like an hour.

"You're such a nuisance," Bambam complains glancing up at Jackson and looking back at the list. 

"Victim of love?" Jackson asks, unsure, "Isn't it too much?"

"Aren't you too much," Bambam says but he's smiling, "but we still go with your crazy."

"It's not mine, it's Jaebum's," Jackson argues, and Youngjae laughs:

"Sharing is caring, hyung!"

 

If Jackson is a surprise guest performer, Jaebum is just a surprise guest. As in, in the audience.

It's weird and super cliché but Jackson sees him almost immediately as he steps on stage, and it throws him off for a second. Of course, it makes much more sense to deliver his response to Jaebum's (undeniably beautiful and yet) annoying face than to an unsuspecting audience. (How does the classic go? 'If I tell the world I'll never say enough.') But Jackson isn't above making sense. Below? Oh, whatever, Jackson isn't _about_ making sense, Jackson is about ... to have a panic attack on stage. Right.

When Jackson was a guest judge on a Chinese talent show he told a contestant that it was important to maintain eye contact when performing so that's what he does now. Because he's a professional.

He looks at Jaebum's face and raps his part.

_Ain't no time for this drama,  
Ain't no time for this trash talk._

And because he looks right on, because he watches so intently, he sees Jaebum's eyes widen ever so slightly.

He sees a beginning of ... a smile?

But that must be a weird lighting or something, there's nothing to smile about, right? 

He asks Bambam as they go backstage. 

“Did you see Jaebum?”

“Oh yes,” Bambam says and then widens his eyes, “You've dropped the formalities!”

“Perks of breaking up,” Jackson waves a hand dismissively and doesn't let him go off topic, “Did you know he was going to be here?”

“Didn't you? Wasn't that the whole point?”

“To tell him off, yes!”

“Right,” Bambam says. 

There's a pause. Jackson can hear a pause happening. 

On the stage Youngjae is singing his heart out.

“Maybe ‘Victim of love’ was an overkill,” Bambam says timidly. 

“What.”

“All the promises of new start and, you know, ‘banging’,” Bambam waggles his eyebrows. “It was easy to read it wrong.”

“What are you talking about?” Jackson asks incredulously. 

“But I'm sure Jaebum hyung was properly told off,” Bambam finishes brightly and rushes off to prepare for his stage.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no songs in this one!

Jackson bumps into Jaebum at the party after the concert.

He really shouldn't be as surprised as he is. Keeping clear of each other for so long, so effortlessly, was, to be honest, less believable. Jackson wonders if maybe it wasn't as effortless on Jaebum's side and if he's changed his mind now. And if so, why?

As it happens, though, Jaebum is the person Jackson stumbles upon in a dark corridor on his way to bathroom. Jaebum steadies him and Jackson says, surprised, without any heat, "Hello."

Jaebum's hand rests at Jackson's lower back for a second too long before they each take a step back.

Jaebum looks Jackson in the face, and Jackson looks back, still a little bit shaken by their sudden closeness. He wasn't that close to Jaebum in almost half a year now, so excuse his reactions, okay? What is Jaebum thinking, Jackson wonders. He used to be able to read him like a book.

(Maybe it's a bad comparison? Jackson was never too fond of reading books, but like twitter, yes, that's better. Jackson used to be able to read Jaebum like twitter, all 140 symbols of it. It's also fitting. Jaebum's fans are so sure he's so deep. Ha, 140 characters would sum him up at any given moment. Jackson used to like that about Jaebum a lot.)

But now it's all blank and Jackson's heart sinks a little. That's a betrayal, too. His heart had sinked all the way down when they broke up. There should be nothing still floating around after the shipwreck they encountered. Like the Titanic, okay? Leo is Jackson's heart, and when he went down, he went down. There should be no Kate left on the surface dying of hypothermia.

The shippers and their marine terminology fucked up Jackson's brain for good, it seems.

"Nice performance," Jaebum says calmly, and to Jackson's ears it sounds condescending, so he bristles.

"Well, maybe not as awesome as yours are lately, but we do what we can," he spits out and turns to go away.

Maybe heartbreak was and is fucking heartbreaking and awful, but it looks (it feels) like not speaking with Jaebum was one of the best decisions in Jackson's life if just seeing Jaebum makes everything within Jackson freeze and burn at the same time.

"Wait, Jackson, that's not..." Jaebum sounds irritated, and that alone makes everything worth it to Jackson. See how Jaebum likes having no upper hand, no last words, Jackson thinks as he enters the bathroom.

He says as such to Jimin the next day when they have a lunch date in her recording studio.

"The last word was mine, yay," he lifts his hand for high five, and Jimin rolls her eyes.

She still gives him a high five. Jackson smiles.

"To be fair, don't you always have the last word with Jaebum oppa?" she asks as she takes another bite of her burger.

Jackson almost chokes.

"He broke up with me," he reminds her.

"Yes, but then you shut him out so hard I think they heard the echo in Australia," Jimin says as she cleans up her hands with wet wipes.

"What is this? What was there to shut?" Jackson says indignantly, "Of course I didn't talk to him after he told me we were done."

Jimin hums but doesn't say anything.

"What?"

"Nothing," Jimin says, sorting the garbage from their lunch into different piles by type. She doesn't look at Jackson, and Jackson feels even more irritated by that.

"If I had the last word," he says to prove her wrong, "What was that song for?"

"The song was a surprise," Jimin agrees.

Her time is up, and Jackson should hurry up, too, he has a radio appearance tonight.

"You know you don't have to react to anything he says or does," she says to him as she walks him to elevators. "You ignored him for so long, you can continue doing so if it hurts you so much."

"What are you even talking about?" Jackson says, tired.

"Don't you remember Changkyun oppa?" Jimin says when they reach the end of the corridor.

"Your shitty ex-boyfriend? What about him?" Jackson asks, "Is he bothering you again?"

"We're good friends now, drop the protective oppa act," Jimin punches him in the shoulder. "So when we came back to being friends, he told me how scared he was of you after that talk you had with him, which I have to add I didn't ask you for. And how after that you just never reacted to him again, even when you met face to face. He told me you would look kind of past him even when looking him right in the eye."

"Is he saying I'm cross-eyed?" Jackson asks lightly, knowing what she's saying but...

"I'm saying you can ignore people so much you don't even notice it," Jimin says as she hugs him.

Jackson steps in the elevator.

"I wouldn't be surprised if Jaebum oppa wrote that song because you wouldn't pick up your phone for half a year," she says as the doors slides shut.

So Jackson replies to no one at all, "Of course I didn't, I blocked his contact immediately."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update is full of two of my favourite things: sad Jackson and a lot of commas.
> 
> And they are here because I can't write comedy and because I can't English. 
> 
> I also can't keep my promises to update often. 
> 
> Sorry!

Jackson is both free and alone on Jaebum's birthday. That's something, he guesses, that happens when all of your friends are also friends with your ex.

(It's not fair, of course. He has plenty of other friends he can spend his time with but he's not in the mood. He's also not a fair person, not really.

Fairness was more of a Jaebum trait, to be, well, fair.

Look, they don't match even in that. No wonder they were so shitty to each other.)

So, instead, he spends time cleaning his apartment and cooking brunch. He face-times with his mom and they chat for an hour, and he isn't even moody by the time they say goodbye.

He listens to some music and starts an impromptu Q&A with his fans on twitter. They ask him about Jaebum, of course, they always do. Jackson wonders if they'll ever let it go, or he'll have to avoid the questions and pictures from years ago (from half a year ago at the moment) of him and Jaebum all over each other, hugging each other and holding hands at some random parties.

Jackson doesn't know which fans are more annoying (still the best and the loveliest fans in the world, of course, but annoying anyway): those who ask if he's wished Jaebum a happy birthday, or those who've caught upon their lack of warm feelings to each other and ask about that.

He ignores them equally. Fairly, heh.

He answers some questions about his favourite songs, the possibility of his acting career and even gives some hints of his future releases. The recording of 'Okay' is finished and the mv filming is scheduled. He'll probably make a comeback in a little over a month.

After a while he gets tired of twitter and he watches a new episode of Jinyoung's drama. It's a typical Korean romantic comedy set in Choson, and Jinyoung plays a scholar who has to pretend he's the King's sister. That's plenty hilarious but after that Jackson is so bored, he feels kind of claustrophobic in his apartment, so that's why he dresses up and gets out.

It's dark outside and there's no specific place he wants to get to so he just walks for a while until he gets too cold. So he hails a taxi, and then, because his brain is frozen solid and he can't come up with any other destination, he goes to his old neighbourhood.

It's close to a university, and there are always a lot of students around, day and night. Jackson has forgotten about that after just a few months of living at his new place and the crowd feels weird. He escapes the main street, choosing a smaller road and then an even smaller one. He just walks, too focused on getting somewhere quiet to actually care where he's going.

This winter Seoul is awfully cold so Jackson buys a hot coffee can in a small conbini. He thinks about hand warmers when he's already out of the shop and he doesn't want to go back. He thinks he'll buy some at the next conbini but he never sees one.

Jackson spots a small playground with a swing set, and he decides to stay for a while.

The night is nice, the air is crispy clear as it only gets in winter times. The swings set makes quiet noises as Jackson swings forward, and Jackson feels pretty good after the long walk. The coffee drink is teeth rotting sweet, but it's warm so he finishes it.

He only gets where he is when he stops swinging and climbs a ladder to a slide. Sitting on top of it he can see his previous place's dark windows clearly.

He watches it until he understands that he's waiting for the lights to turn on and then he's just waiting, as patiently as he can.

Jackson checks the time (and the phone battery is almost dead) and it's not too late yet, he guesses.

So he waits there, on top of the slide, freezing his ass off, for the lights at his previous home to turn on, trying not to think of how stupid he is being.

His phone beeps one more time letting him know of it's inevitable demise and when Jackson checks it it's almost a quarter to eleven.

The stupidest thing is Jaebum was born at a quarter to eleven.

Jackson isn't even sure about his own time of birth, but surely enough, Jaebum's is burnt into his brain forever. Just figured.

So he sits straighter and shouts looking at the still dark windows, "Happy Birthday, asshole!"

"Someone will call the police," comes an immediate response, and Jackson almost falls from the slide turning to see who it is.

Jaebum is standing next to the swing set, rocking up and down on the balls of his feet. It's too dark and Jackson is too nearsighted for him to see Jaebum's face but it's undeniably him.

"But thanks, I guess," Jaebum says.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isn't it nice when you have a long weekend because of a public holiday, and you can travel and write fics instead of working?

So here's a thing.

Everyone has different hearts, okay? Like, some can be treasure chests, and others happen to be cauliflowers, and some are tigers.

Hearts can be anything, they are awesome like that.

Jackson's is all doors. It's doors and doors and doors, all the way down, and Jackson has been shutting them off for the past half a year, and he hates that Jaebum can kick every one of them open just by standing there looking like he's cold and impatient.

"What are you doing here?" Jackson asks stupidly.

Jaebum lives there. Obviously. Stupid.

Jaebum shoves his hands even deeper in his pockets and looks up. He doesn't comment on obviousness.

"Are you going to stay over there, or are you going to come down and talk like normal people?" he asks instead.

Jackson honestly thinks about that for a total of a fraction of a second.

"The first option," he decides.

Jaebum sighs loudly.

"Can you even still feel your limbs?" he asks, reasonably, so fucking reasonable all the time.

Jackson can't feel his legs, but he can feel his heart jamming in his chest like a caged bird, choking him.

"I plead the fifth."

"That doesn't even make sense in Korean. Don't make me climb up and kick your ass all the way down, Jackson," Jaebum says, and he obviously means it. He always means everything he says, that's the deal with Jaebum.

Jackson believes that technically he still has one over Jaebum in a close combat. But with his testicles turning into popsicles he's not that sure. Korean people might be made for such temperatures but Jackson is not.

Jackson climbs down.

Jackson climbs all the way down and then three sets of stairs up to Jaebum's apartment, and he doesn't understand why he does it. But it was always like that with Jaebum. Give him an inch, he'll take a mile, an old song.

"Nora is going to be pissed," Jaebum says conversationally as he unlocks the door. "She misses you a lot."

Jackson feels like he's through the looking glass.

As it is he's through the open door.

"I miss her, too," Jackson replies truthfully, and Jaebum looks at him like he doesn't recognise him. Welcome to the club, dude.

"You could have visited," Jaebum says, and now it's Jackson's turn to look at him like he's crazy.

"I thought about suing for joint custody," Jackson jokes to lighten up the mood, but Jaebum doesn't smile.

"I expected you to," he says seriously, "I even talked to my lawyers."

It's so very awkward it hurts Jackson's head.

Jackson takes his shoes off and looks around.

Nora isn't anywhere to be seen. She is either avoiding Jackson because she hates him for not visiting or she has forgotten all about him. She never liked strangers.

Both options hurt.

The flat doesn't look like it's changed much.

"Do you want some tea?" Jaebum asks leading Jackson to the living room. "I think I still have some of your organic stuff."

And five minutes later they sit in the living room drinking their hot drinks politely like chaebol moms in all the dramas. Their chaebol kids must be kicking each other at their private chaebol school or something and he and Jaebum are probably here to settle this issue politely, fake smiles and poisoned tea.

Now that he thought about it Jackson looks at his drink suspiciously. Oh well, he's already drunk some.

"Don't think I don't appreciate this," Jackson makes a vague gesture with his drink. Whatever they are doing, he doesn't really appreciate it, "But what am I here for?"

"Talk," Jaebum leans back in his seat and smiles a little. "Defrost."

"Aren't you angry at me?"

"No?" Jaebum looks surprised.

What kind of games is he playing at?

"Have you listened to your own damn song?" Jackson asks, his feelings are a tangled mess he can't even begin to describe.

"Ah," Jaebum says and dares to look almost sheepish.

He always acts embarrassed when he has to admit he has feelings, like an admittance of a shortfall. It used to make Jackson feel just amazing, note the sarcasm, thinking that Jaebum considered his feelings for Jackson a personal failure.

They had so many things that didn't work for them, the break up seems like an inevitable end now rather than an unfortunate one.

"I borrowed your stupid notion that negative attention is still attention," Jaebum explains to his tea. "I can't complain it was ineffective."

Jackson doesn't know what kind of look he has on his face.

"Look," Jaebum flashes him a quick smile, "you are here, aren't you?"

And Jackson almost smiles back, instinctively, but he's saved by Nora jumping on his lap.

He yelps, surprised, and Nora digs her claws in his thighs through his jeans. Jackson hisses.

She headbutts him, waving her tail like a battle flag, and Jackson starts careful scratches under her chin. Nora kindly allows it. She doesn't start purring but she retracts her claws after a while.

When Jackson looks up, Jaebum is watching them. His eyes are warm and tentative, and Nora is also like that in Jackson's arms. And Jackson loves them both so much, and that's exactly why he never came back and that's why he cut Jaebum off when they broke up.

Jackson isn't a type of person to move on. He's the type to love people forever until they leave him on the side road.

"What do you want, Jaebum?" he asks warily, tired of going around in circles in his head. "You broke up with me, so what do you want now?"

Jaebum lifts his eyes up to Jackson's face. He doesn't look angry, but that's not saying much anyway.

"Technically," he says, "it was you who broke up with me."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay (again), I was busy finishing my other fic :)

When they met each other for the first time, Jackson was still a complete newbie to Korea. He couldn't count in Korean back then. He didn't even know the pronounces. 

Jaebum was in the midst of preparations for his debut as a part of a duet with Jinyoung. He was nervous and excited, and Jackson was also nervous and very excited for his new life in Seoul. 

“Bounce, bounce,” JJ-Project's debut song went, and the positive energy between Jaebum and Jackson bounced too, just like that. 

They didn't always work so well together, but when they did, they were on fire. (And now that they didn't, they burnt.)

Jackson was always super good at wearing a brave face when he's actually a scaredy cat inside.

(Jaebum has always liked cats.)

So Jaebum had to be brave for both of them: to confess first, to be precise in his wording so Jackson wouldn't try to joke it off as he knows himself he's prone to do.

It wasn't about initiating things. Jackson was always a happy cuddle, the number one hugger and the world champion at hand holding, ask anyone. It was harder for him to label things, and that's where Jaebum had to step in. That was his role in their relationship. 

Jackson might have been the first to drape himself all over Jaebum's back or land a kiss on him, jokingly, always a game of pretending to be pretending to be pretending, but it was Jaebum who kissed Jackson back, who said the ‘I like you’s, who defined them as them into existence. 

And it wasn't that Jackson was a silent type. Oh no, quite the contrary, he said all the types of things. He said ‘you're my favourite person in the entire world’, ‘let's move in together’, ‘how should we name our future kids?’ He also said, on many occasions, ‘I hate you’, ‘if you really loved me, you would let me call you however I want’, and ‘let's break up’. Jaebum's job was to know what Jackson really meant, what he actually wanted, and give him that.

They worked well together, they each had a part to act out.

They moved in together when Jackson was ready and not just trying out how it sounds out loud. They didn't discuss the names of the kids they could have had because Jackson was just joking around, and they didn't break up until Jackson said it (and acted) like he really truly meant it. 

So when Jackson says, “You broke up with me, so what do you want now?” and looks so unsure, looks so wary, Jaebum doesn't feel any anger at all. Jackson says that, but he means something else. Jaebum might not know him so well anymore, but this time he's sure.

They had a hard time back then, both of them. Jinyoung was leaving idolship for acting, leaving Jaebum for the uncertainty of a solo future, and Jackson was slowly suffocating in his previous management company while still being worked to the bone. So of course it bleeded out into their private lives as well. They didn't have as much time for each other as previously, didn't have as much patience for each other as they used to. 

Jackson spent all the time meeting new people building up his network as Jaebum knows now to be able to go independent. Building up his ‘Team Wang’ was Jackson's priority at the moment, Jaebum sees now, and it still hurts him, but he got over it after some time. 

They each had a part in their relationship they needed to take care of, and if Jackson wanted to not be together anymore, Jaebum gave him that, even if that made him angry and miserable.

“Technically,” he says now, calmly, “it was you who broke up with me.”

“Well, yes,” Jackson looks back at him, properly, openly, maybe for the first time since they broke up, “but you were supposed to hold onto me. I never thought you'd just let me go.”

Jaebum's heart doesn't know should it cry or laugh.

They each had a part in their relationship they needed to take care of, Jaebum was clutching to this thought for so long. It took him a long time to arrive to the idea that maybe he failed his part too. 

Now he thinks, maybe their system wasn't sustainable at all. 

Instead of sad he is kind of hopeful. It's all fine, he just needs to convince Jackson that they need to build a new one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope now things are clearer to all of you (and me). No one is evil; everyone is stupid.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah. I've been pretty ill, then even more ill, then super busy at work, and now finally everything is better.

“What is this?” Jaebum sighs frustratedly taking his earphones off. “Is it Chinese?”

Jinyoung sips his coffee dramatically (and how does one even do that?), and Jaebum feels an urge to smack him on his head. 

“How do I know? Ask Mark,” Jinyoung says reasonably. “I don't know Chinese.”

“But you know Jackson,” Jaebum wants to say. Jinyoung was probably the first person to listen to this new song as soon as it was written. 

Didn't even warn Jaebum, where's a respect to a hyung? Kids these days. 

“Mark would laugh at me for days,” Jaebum mumbles. “And how can I even trust him?”

“And you trust me? I'm touched,” Jinyoung places a hand on his heart, eyes wrinkling, half mock, half sincerity. The usual Park Jinyoung.

“Mark is too sneaky, and you can't lie for shit,” Jaebum puts an end to Jinyoung's self praise party. 

“I will be a kind hearted donseng here and ignore that assault,” Jinyoung says. “Go check fan translations, don't be stupid. There'll be tons online. ”

“I can't go online,” Jaebum admits. 

“What now?” Jinyoung looks surprised now. 

“The fans keep on sending me pics,” Jaebum admits despite himself. 

“Pics? What pics?” Jinyoung leans across the table and grabs Jaebum's phone before Jaebum has any chance to react. “Gimme.”

Jaebum is left to watch as Jinyoung unlocks the phone (okay, maybe he should have changed ‘1111’ to something else long time ago). 

Jinyoung starts laughing almost immediately. 

“Ah, those pics,” he scrolls through more of them, and Jaebum leans over to watch them, too, even though he really really shouldn't. 

“They are nice pictures, a very nice angle, I'd say,” Jinyoung lifts up his eyes at Jaebum, and how does he even see anything with these tiny cracks? “Jackson must have worked out a lot for this shower scene.”

Jaebum thinks that if he doesn't say anything, he'll say less to incriminate himself. 

It's been a month since Jackson turned up at Jaebum's unexpectedly. He must have been already preparing for a comeback at that time, in the middle of filming probably, for the mv to be released now.

Jaebum thinks back about that talk with this new information. Does it change anything? Probably not. If anything, it proves that Jackson is also unhappy about their break up. Doesn't mean he wants to get back together, though. But the whole fact that he came to Jaebum and his queit admittance that he wanted to be held onto still give Jaebum a lot of hope. 

Jackson left not long after that, and they didn't have much of contact since then. Jackson dropped out from the face of the Earth (getting ready for his new hit as it turns out) and Jaebum was too busy with his promotion to go searching for Jackson. 

It's kind of ironic, considering that his promotion was supposed to help him with Jackson not make it harder for them to interact. 

Nora isn't impressed either. 

As as soon as the promotion ends and he can breathe for a second, Jackson releases this song. 

Rude! 

So, Jaebum does what anyone would do. He posts a screenshot of “okay” playing on his phone on Instagram and writes some words about how nice the song is. (He carefully doesn't mention shoulders). Clicking on Jackson's ID shows that he still has Jaebum blocked, but Jaebum doesn't let it discourage him. 

As Jimin says in her kinder moments, there are more than enough crazy people online believing in Jackson's and his true love for all of them to be wrong. 

Speak of the devil, she sends him a direct message.

“You never promote my songs, why?”

“You never write songs about me breaking your heart,” he sends back. 

“Cheeky,” she says.

And then, “Don't lie, it's the shoulders.”

And then, “Admit it!” and she should stop hanging out with Youngjae (or Youngjae with her). 

And then, “But did you really like the song?”

Jaebum almost replies, but then something catches his eye, something in this not so abrupt change in a dialogue irks him, and it's an impulse, just a guess, but he always believed in his intuition. 

“Stop fishing for compliments, Jackson, and unblock me if you want to talk.”

There's a very long pause after he press “send”, and then “That was freaky,” comes up in his messages. 

“You should have seen his face,” obviously-Jimin-now sends him. “I'd prefer if it were you a subject of his screaming, too.”

“Suits you well for letting him deceive me,” Jaebum types calmly but inside his heart is beating out a crazy rhythm. 

“You weren't deceived so no harm done.”

Jaebum hasn't done anything bad to have so much impoliteness in his life. 

“And by the way, as if you can say no to this man.”

She sends a picture. 

The picture.

Of the shoulders. 

And the back. 

Jaebum turns the phone away from Nora’s eyes who jumped on his laps. She's too innocent for such images. 

Two hours later Jaebum checks Jackson ID again. 

He's unblocked now. 

Jaebum looks at Nora for a second to think of something to do. The possibilities seem endless.

“Meow,” says Nora. 

“I completely agree,” Jaebum says and types a quick message before putting phone away and taking the cat in his arms. 

“The song is good. But I can't promise you'll be okay if you don't visit my cat soon.”

He sends a picture of especially sad looking Nora together with that. 

If you try to win a guy over you've got to play all your best cats. Err, cards. Oh, whatever.


	10. Chapter 10

“What is it?” Jaebum asks opening his door without even checking who's there. It's 2am and if someone's here to kill him and rob his flat then so be it. He's too sleepy to care. 

That's why when it's Jackson there, holding a huge ass box of cat food and a chocolate rose Jaebum has to doubletake. Is he still sleeping? 

“Is that the kind of welcome I get after being ordered to visit my cat?” Jackson asks. He must be trying for funny but he just sounds tired instead. 

“It's my cat,” Jaebum says as he steps away from the door to let Jackson in. The last night conversation with Jimin – and Jackson – feels like ages ago now, and he covers his face with one of his hands, still soggy from an interrupted sleep. 

“Not for long,” Jackson says as he takes his shoes off. “I've decided to take legal actions. Right, baby?”

For a very weird second Jaebum thinks Jackson means him. But then he sees Nora investigating Jackson's shoes, encircling his legs, rubbing her head on his shins. 

His cat is a traitor. She never shows even him that much attention! 

As if reading his mind, Nora looks up at Jaebum and kind of narrows her eyes. “Look,” her look says, “I do my best to keep him here, but I can't be doing all the work.”

And right, that's right, Jaebum thinks, trying to will himself awake. His cat is the best wing-woman ever, he apologies in his head, while taking the cat food and the rose from Jackson's hands. 

“What's the rose for?” he can't help asking, and Jackson who's busy scratching Nora’s sides doesn't lift his head up. 

“It's not for you,” he says and Jaebum can't see his face and can't read his tone, “It's for the lady here. Sweets and flowers, don't you know how to get a girl?”

Not really interested in getting any girls, Jaebum thinks and goes to the kitchen to drop things off. 

“Do you want anything to drink?” he asks loudly, and thinks about how tired Jackson looks. Jaebum checks his fridge. He has some kimchi and one sausage but not much else. “Something to eat, maybe?”

“Not really,” Jackson says from behind him, and when Jaebum turns around, he's standing in the doorframe, Nora’s nowhere to be seen. 

“Did you come here directly from work?” he thinks what day today is. What could it have been? 

“Yeah,” Jackson says, yawning, “Sukira, and then a meeting at tvN.”

He's obviously been up for twenty plus hours now, Jaebum knows that look. 

“Do you have a headache?” because he usually has them. 

Jackson doesn't reply, and Jaebum doesn't need him to. He pushes Jackson to the living room and orders him to sit. Nora, as if waiting for that exact moment, commands his lap, curling into the perfect ball here. Jackson doesn't look like he even noticed, already falling asleep, but the last thing Jaebum sees before turning back to the kitchen are Jackson’s arms encircling Nora. 

He gets a cup of hot water for himself and turns the rice cooker on before returning to the living room.

Jackson is asleep, and Jaebum sits next to him for a while, just watching. It's kind of creepy, he decides after a while, and not really him, so he takes a book from a bookshelf, opens it on the first page and starts reading. 

When the rice is cooked, Jaebum turns the cooker off. He decides to let Jackson sleep, since the sleep is more important than food anyway. He returns to the living room and gets a spare pillow and a blanket from a closet. 

Nora doesn't like being woken up and jumps off his arms when Jaebum lifts her up to maneuver Jackson into a more comfortable position. 

Jackson isn't really a light sleeper, so he doesn't even steer as Jaebum pushes his legs up on the couch. He puts a pillow under Jackson's head and smiles a little at Jackson's sleepy face. 

He covers Jackson with the blanket. Nora jumps back on the couch when he's done and she curls in the space between Jackson's ankles. Jaebum sits on the floor and pets her for a while, and she licks his hand but when he goes to his room to get some sleep, she stays in the living room with Jackson. Jaebum doesn't mind, though: he would, too, if he could. 

He sets his alarm, hoping that Jackson would be still there in the morning, and goes to sleep.

Jackson's alarm goes ten minutes after Jaebum's, so he watches Jackson stumble about in a dark room knocking into things and muttering profanities under his breath for a few minutes before Jaebum turns the lights on without any warnings. 

Jackson screams like a dying seagull trying to hide from the light. Jaebum laughs at him and throws a towel at his head. 

“Go take a shower,” he says. “When is your manager going to be here?”

“In twenty minutes,” Jackson sounds kind of embarrassed, and Jaebum smirks. 

Jackson is always, always embarrassed in the mornings. Even if there's nothing to be embarrassed about, it's a personality trait. And it's very cute. 

So Jaebum goes to his kitchen and puts some breakfast together. He's going to milk these twenty minutes for all there is. 

“You should visit again,” Jaebum says as a freshly showered Jackson picks up a piece of a sausage with his chopsticks. 

“I've just visited,” Jackson argues back indignantly, “I am still visiting.”

“What kind of visit is that? You've slept through all Nora’s time with you. It doesn't count.”

“But she slept, too, it's a bonding activity.”

Jaebum ignores that. 

“And now that you ate all the food in my house, you owe me a meal.”

Jackson almost chokes. 

Jaebum hands him a glass of water. He waits till Jackson makes a big gulp… 

“And now you owe me a drink,” Jaebum says, and Jackson almost dies coughing. 

“What has happened to you?” Jackson demands as soon as he catches his breath. “Are you taking lessons in pettiness? Can't you just treat me as a hyung?”

“You don't even call me hyung,” Jaebum points out, and Jackson smiles bashfully as if he's only just noticed himself. 

Before he says anything else, his phone starts ringing. 

Jaebum follows him to the door and watches as Jackson hurriedly puts on his shoes. Nora sticks her head between Jaebum's legs and he takes her into his arms. 

“But I mean it, Jackson, you owe me a dinner.”

“Okay, okay,” says Jackson, relacing his snickers. 

As he bolts out of the door, Jaebum leans on a door frame and calls out, “Jackson.”

Jackson stops in his tracks and turns to Jaebum looking impatient. 

“It's a date then,” says Jaebum and closes the door.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I present you fruits of my insomnia.  
> I'm taking a break actually from this one, because I need to write a fic for a challenge. But my insomniac mind had other plans

“It's not a date,” Jaebum hisses at Jackson from across the table.

And the asshole smiles.

“Why not,” Jackson says smugly. “We even have candles.”

They do have candles. And white cloth on the table and the menu is in French, and Jackson is dressed prettily, and he looks better than the last time as if he finally had some time to sleep. He is smug – that's a clear sign he's had some rest.

“Candles, and other people.”

“It's a double date,” Jackson shrugs and Jaebum likes him so much in that moment. His taste is obviously the worst.

He makes a note to find someone to blame for that.

“How can it be a double date,” Jaebum reasons, rising his voice “if there are five other persons.”

Jackson just smiles at their friends approaching the table.

“Triple and half date?” he says, and that's it, he's done with the talk, laughing at Jinyoung and hugging Mark, shaking hands with Yugyeom in a complicated handshake Jaebum rolls his eyes at.

Everyone is acting like the situation is completely normal, like they've never stopped hanging out like this, and it's kind of hilarious, honestly. Youngjae looks a bit lost, and Jaebum can't help lifting his eyebrows, mocking.

“What are we celebrating, man?” Bambam leans back in his chair, so relaxed and casual, while his eyes go between Jaebum's and Jackson's faces.

Does he think they are going to suddenly announce their marriage or what?

Jaebum feels his lips stretching in the beginning of a smile as Jackson's eyes grow large as the implication sets in and he rushes to deny even the idea, “Not celebrating anything! Just wanted to hang out with all of you, guys, ha!”

He makes a short laughing noise, and Jaebum is too fond not to help him out.

“Jackson promised to treat us all,” Jaebum says to the table at large.

“Hey,” Jackson says instantly defensive on his wallet’s behalf. “When did I say that?”

“Really? Treat us?” Mark says excitedly and turns to Jackson smiling like a sun, and Yugyeom cheers loudly with Youngjae.

Jackson looks at Jaebum then, obviously defeated and even more obviously fond and very ‘look at what you've done’, and Jaebum thinks that maybe they can do it and not feel too awkward after all.

It's not a date, but maybe it's just as important.

 

 

“It went well,” says Jinyoung as they step out of the restaurant together.

“Yeah,” Jaebum says just to say something.

It did go well. Jaebum had a good time, he hasn't seen Yugyeom in a while and him and Mark are too lazy to suggest hanging out to each other. So that was great.

Of course, everyone was pretending not to notice the elephant in the room – the break up and the falling out – but by the end of the night it didn't feel like everyone was walking on eggshells expecting him and Jackson to fight over nothing.

They did fight over the tab when Jaebum sneaked out to pick it up and Jackson caught with him not a minute later just as Jaebum handed his card over.

“Don't take his card,” Jackson rushed to the cashier.

“Please proceed with the payment,” Jaebum smiled at the woman.

“No, really,” Jackson pushed Jaebum to the side with his hip and smiled brightly at the woman, leaning on her workstation. “Don't use this card.”

“Why?” said the cashier pausing, and Jaebum groaned internally. Jackson's flirting always worked.

“He stole it,” said Jackson triumphantly and looked at Jaebum as if he himself couldn't believe he's saying it.

“It has my name on it,” Jaebum tried to push Jackson away to charm the cashier back on his side. “I can show you my ID.”

The woman looked as if she was a second away from calling police on them but then she smiled.

“Oh, there's no need, mister Im,” said the woman finally slotting his card into a terminal, “I'm a huge fan. Please sign.”

Jackson groaned and leaned even more on the workstation, hiding his head in his hands. He muttered something like ‘of course she's a fan.’ And Jaebum just couldn't help reaching his hand out into Jackson's hair and scratching a little, like he does to Nora. And maybe it was just Jaebum's imagination but the tensions went out of Jackson's shoulders with the touch.

“Let's go,” he said, as he received his card back. “Stop being dramatic for no reason. You'll just have to pay the other time.”

“I knew you'd say that!” Jackson lifted his head up and said at him accusingly, and Jaebum used the momentum to steer him away, back to their private room.

“I knew it was just a ploy, and now what, I owe you two dates?” Jackson complained loudly ignoring or not noticing Jaebum's hand around his shoulders.

Jaebum smiled, “You said that, not me, Jackson.”

Now Jaebum smiles thinking about that.

“How did it come to be, though?” Jinyoung asks Jaebum bringing him out of his head as they wait outside for the taxis to arrive and for the others to come out. It's still cold for the end of February and it doesn't look like the rest of the group is in any rush. “I didn't expect to see you there.”

“Didn't Jackson tell you?” Jaebum raises his eyebrows at Jinyoung, and the latter nods.

“A complete surprise. Just invited me for a dinner.”

“No, I mean, about everything?” Jaebum says and regrets immediately.

Jinyoung eyes turn sharp, “What is there to tell about?”

And it's not like Jackson did much at Jaebum's but there is a change, okay, they talk (a bit, in messages, not a lot, but enough to plan this not-date and Jaebum sends him Nora’s pictures.) and it's unlike Jackson to keep things to himself. So what does it mean that he did? Are their encounters something he just doesn't think about so he didn't mention it or is it something he thinks too much of and couldn't make up his mind? When the things went to shit with them Jackson didn't talk about them at all according to Jinyoung. And in the weeks before – when the things were already bad, Jinyoung didn't know, was genuinely surprised about their break up. Maybe Jaebum is wrong about Jackson, maybe he doesn't know him quite as well as he believes.

“Jaebum-ah,” Jinyoung says, kindlier, and what is it with everyone dropping formalities with him all the time, “what is there to tell about?”

Loving a person you already loved once… No, that's wrong, Jaebum has never stopped. But trying to get back with a person you've once been together before is hard, he decides. If you use all the same tricks and if you believe you already know everything you need to know, it will probably just lead you to all the same conclusions.

Jaebum doesn't want any conclusions.

“Nothing,” he says to Jinyoung, “There's nothing to talk about.”

Jinyoung doesn't look convinced like he never does (because Jaebum is also shit at lying) but then the first taxi comes and their friends rush out the restaurant door.

Both of them, Jinyoung and Jaebum turn to look at Jackson, and he stops tying his scarf on instantly clued on the were talking about him. Jinyoung looks like a hawk who's found a new prey, and Jaebum doesn't know how he looks, but Mark smirks behind Jackson's back.

Jackson just looks alarmed.


	12. Chapter 12

Mark takes the first taxi before anyone can blink, and he takes Youngjae with him because they live in the same area. Yugyeom and Bambam also share a taxi despite not living anywhere close to each other, but that's not something unusual. Yugyeom doesn't like being alone much, especially after nights out. But at the last moment Jackson pushes Jinyoung to join them to make sure they make home safely. 

“But I wanted to go with you,” Jinyoung protests as Jackson manhandles him inside, “to make sure you get home safely.”

‘To interrogate you’ goes without saying. 

Jackson knows that too and doubles up his efforts. 

“I'll be fine,” he says and closes the door on Jinyoung’s protests, “be a good hyung!”

They wave at Jinyoung's indignant face. 

“Choosing to spend time with me over Jinyoung, I'm flattered,” Jaebum remarks as they watch the cars leave. 

“Did you see his face?” Jackson says horrified, “I'll pick you over that anytime.”

“So much affection. People will talk,” Jaebum says, joking, and Jackson looks away, smiling. 

And Jaebum wants to kiss him so much, to cup Jackson's face with his hands, to stroke his cheekbones and just kiss him, patiently, tenderly, adoringly, like Jackson deserves. Like Jaebum wants to deserve to be able to do. 

In the end he just scoops closer, bumping into Jackson, shoulder to shoulder, sharing the warmth. 

“Today was nice,” he says quietly. 

“Was it?” Jackson asks as if shy. 

“Not a date, of course,” Jaebum amends, and Jackson laughs. 

“Of course,” he says. 

They stay here, it seems, for a long time, just joking about the evening and the guys, like in old times, even before they started dating. And it's a progress, most definitely. 

The third taxi arrives, and Jackson rolls up and down on the balls of his feet, facing Jaebum. 

“Is it fine?” he asks, “we can drop you off first?”

Jaebum smiles at him, not moving at all. 

“No need, go ahead, I'll just take a walk home, it's not far.”

Jackson looks at him for a few more moments, as if searching for something on his face and Jaebum isn't sure if he finds what he wants or not. He gets in the taxi after saying goodnights. 

Jaebum watches him leave and wave at him too, before starting on his own walk home. It's really not that far, thirty or so minutes on foot. And as he walks he thinks of tonight. 

It really was nice. 

He missed being able to joke about with all the guys and with Jackson too. He tries very hard to act as if the whole situation isn't awkward but it's super awkward! So tonight was a nice improvement, tonight he didn't feel like he had to pretend much. He felt like they could have at least that and be okay at least that way. It felt like a step forward. 

At the same time Jaebum wants to say that it's enough to have Jackson even if just like that in his life. But it's simply not and he refuses to feel bad about it. 

If there's anything he is sure about is that life is about holding onto what you love and not settling for anything else. 

Unless Jackson tells him so. But in the heart of the heart Jaebum doesn't believe he will. 

But maybe tonight was Jackson telling him? Jaebum wanted to have a date, and Jackson apparently didn't, and Jackson organised a fun event, but not a date. 

Maybe he wants them to be friends, Jaebum thinks sadly. 

He walks as he watches cars passing him by and doesn't think of anything for a while, his heart aching a little in his chest from all the hope lifting and hope-crushing they've been through. 

A taxi speeds by and then slows down to a full stop a hundred meters ahead of Jaebum. He doesn't think anything of it either, but then Jackson gets out of it, tells something to a driver and closes the door. The cars starts again and turns right on the next crossroad and disappears from the view. 

Jackson stays. 

Jackson waits for Jaebum on a sidewalk, visibly impatient, and Jaebum tries not to speed up even though his heart is pushing him to run. 

(“To or from Jackson?” he wonders.)

“It's cold,” Jackson says when there're only a few meters between them. 

“I know,” Jaebum says coming to a stop, “did you return to tell me that?”

Jackson's face does the thing when he smiles but looks deadly serious. 

“You're so funny,” he says shaking his head. “No, I think you've misunderstood today, and I don't want you to misunderstand today.”

Is it it? Is it them breaking up for the second time before even properly making up? 

“What is it?” Jaebum says to Jackson, because he lacks a self-preservation bone in his body.

Jackson bites his bottom lip, and Jaebum wonders (eagerly finding hope even in that) if he's reluctant to hurt him. 

“Today was a date,” Jackson blurts out, and an instant relief Jaebum feels is overwhelming. 

Not that talk. Not today at least. 

“It wasn't a date, Jackson,” Jaebum retorts feeling like he's back on the safe ground. “There were too many people and we didn't exchange even a handful of words.”

“It was a date,” insists Jackson stepping closer to Jaebum, “maybe a weird one, but it was a date.”

“Nope,” Jaebum crosses his arms and refuses to move. “I'm not letting you off the hook. You owed me a date, and this one doesn't count.”

“I don't care!” Jackson almost shouts and he's so close Jaebum can feel his warm breath on his face. “I can owe you twelve dates if you want, but I'm telling you, this one was a date, duffus!”

And then Jaebum gets it, and he smiles so hard his cheeks hurt.

“Yeah?” he says kind of stupidly. 

But it's alright because Jackson is also smiling stupidly at him. 

“Yeah,” Jackson says back. 

And they are standing so close already it really doesn't take much for Jaebum to lean in and kiss Jackson's stupid smiling cold face. 

Jackson lets him.


	13. Chapter 13

“So you just kissed him?” Jinyoung's mom sounds half-impressed half-unimpressed. A well-kept family secret; might be genetic. Next to her Bambam makes kissy faces looking like he's suffocating. “A bit dramatic.”

“Cliché,” says Bambam and they high five each other. “I've seen it in Jinyoung's dramas five thousand times. Didn't know you had it in you,” he says at Jaebum accusingly. 

Jaebum scowls at them. Why does he have regular lunches with them? Is he a masochist? 

“The last one,” Jinyoung's mom smiles, the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes more prominent now, “the almost kiss with the king, that one was a bit impressive.”

Bambam thinks it over for a second. “Only a little bit,” he admits. “Jackson is no king though.”

And just like that, they turn on Jaebum again. 

“Did you take him home?” Jinyoung’s mom is all business again. 

“Did you make a sweet sweet love to him?” Bambam’s grin turns sly. 

“No! That I don't want to know!” Jinyoung's mom protests loudly covering her ears, but she looks at Jaebum expectantly, waiting for his response and, hopefully, some juicy details. Moms are like that. 

Jaebum stuffs his mouth with food to hide his blush. 

“But will Jinyoung actually end up with the king?” Bambam uncharacteristically takes a pity on him and switches lanes again. 

Jinyoung's mom places a warm hand atop Jaebum's one and smiles at him. 

“I hope so,” she turns to Bambam, “I like the king better than his sister, and I have a bet running with Jinyoung's father.”

“Sweet,” Bambam nods approvingly. “But not as sweet as the lover boy over here,” he continues, and there they go again. 

“So did the two of you talk then? Communication is very important for healthy relationships, you know?” Jinyoung's mom says seriously. 

Jaebum can't shake off the feeling she's laughing at him. 

“Yeah,” Bambam joins in as if he has any experience whatsoever, “are you officially back together?”

“What is official, anyway?” asks Jaebum instead of answering, and Bambam grins. 

“Well, you most definitely need to tell your good friends,” he says, “I have a bet with Youngjae…”

“Tell your mom first,” Jinyoung's mom speaks over Bambam. “They've been planning a trip to Italy with Jackson's mom for a year now, and your break up has messed that up. The plane tickets are getting expensive, and your moms deserve a nice vacation.”

Jaebum thinks about that as he chews another mouthful. His mom's sorrowful reaction to his break up makes so much more sense now. He always knew she liked Jackson and he'd expected some sadness at the news but half a year later she still looked as if he'd crushed all of her dreams. He felt so guilty at that time, and mom didn't help. 

“I let them know we're back on speaking terms,” he says in the end. 

“Oh come on,” Bambam protests, “speaking terms my ass! You've kissed, that's at least friends, right?”

Right? Jaebum would like to be that sure, too. 

“What kind of friends are you making, Bambam-ah?” Jinyoung's mom narrows her eyes, and Bambam shrinks under her prying gaze. 

“None at all,” he protests, waving his hands insistently, “absolutely none at all, especially not the kissing kind.”

“Tell us more,” says Jaebum, resting his chin on his palm, and Bambam has the audacity to look at him as if he never expected such betrayal. 

“Is it a girl? A boy?” Jinyoung's mom sounds like the Christmas has come early this year. 

“Does Jimin know?” Jaebum adds, and Bambam turns tomato red. 

“Why does she have to know?” Bambam pauses and thinks better of it, “And there's nothing to know!”

Jaebum thinks he's successfully deflected, but Bambam is too skillful a conversationalist (and a great radio host). 

“There's nothing to know,” he says once again, “it's not like I took a love of my life home after kissing him senseless on the sidewalk to sex him up the whole weekend long.”

“It's still that weekend,” Jaebum says tiredly and Bambam raises his eyebrows. 

“So that's the only thing you're protesting, hyung?” he says and Jaebum would have strangled him if not for Jinyoung's mom pushing both of them apart. 

“That's enough,” she says, and Jaebum feels grateful for a second. But she birthed Jinyoung, the evil is in her blood, so she puts some more meat on Jaebum's plate and says, “one whole night of sexing up is enough, too.”

Jaebum chokes on his drink. Suddenly too mortified and embarrassed to continue he checks his phone and calls for the bill, snatching his wallet off the table. He says something about being late to a meeting and leaves the two to their desserts and their laughter, both at his expense. 

They start talking about him while he's still within a hearing distance and Jaebum just rolls his eyes. He knew he'd regret ever introducing them. The purpose of these lunch dates was always to gossip about Jinyoung, especially in earlier days of JJ-Project, and how did it end up like this?

He steps out of the restaurant, and a passing girl makes huge eyes at him. She smiles shyly and he nods at her. He should have put a face mask on before leaving the restaurant but he felt too hurried to leave. 

Jaebum doesn't have much to do today actually. Jackson is already away to Thailand filming for his new song, an early breakfast before seeing him off feels like kind of a routine already. Jaebum should work on his songs, too, but the Saturday is free, that's why they had the lunch today in the first place. 

He thinks back to the conversation. He shouldn't have told them about the kiss at all, and if he did, he probably shouldn't have felt as defensive about what has followed. But he did tell and then did feel embarrassed. Feelings are always such a nuisance. 

If only you could say, yes, this is it, this is that, and it will stay this way, unwavering and unchanging, what an easy life it would have been then. After so many days and weeks of being sad and hurt and angry, the happiness feels too delicate to Jaebum. 

Lying next to Jackson last night left him so mortified! Being so aware of their legs intertwining, breathing the same air, sharing a bed after they both have finally admitted that yes, they want to be together again and yes, the break up was kind of awful, let's try not to do it ever again – all of it was wonderful, yes, finally! But at the same time he felt so stupid they had to make this round trip (shitty route, would not recommend again) and even stupider for having to come clean to their friends. 

“I can't imagine what Jinyoung would say,” he said to Jackson this morning before kissing him goodbye. 

“I totally can,” Jackson said after they kissed and made a face, and Jaebum laughed and kissed him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One would think there'll be some plot this close to the end, but one would be wrong.


	14. Chapter 14

Jaebum hails a taxi and as he is driven back home, his phone buzzes with a message from Jackson. It's a picture of a paradise beach, and Jaebum sends back, “Did you arrive safely?”

“Everything is great, hyung,” comes a cheerful response. Jackson sends along a couple of dolphin stickers, and Jaebum already misses talking to him in person.

“Is filming going okay?”

“Almost done for today, looking good so far.” 

“Don't you always look good?” he jokes and gets a finger gun dog, a “that's right” and thumbs up for his troubles. He grins. 

“But the filming is also okay, thanks for asking”

“Will I really have to wait till the release?” Jaebum asks, a bit petty that Jackson never shows him his stuff while Jinyoung gets a full access. 

“Yeah”

And then, “patience is a virtue, hyung.”

“How would you know about that?” Jaebum types out and he must be smiling at his phone like some kind of a lunatic right now. “Is this song about me, too?”

“Not unless you're called Pepsi”

Jaebum doesn't think of a good response before the next message comes, “Do you want to be called Pepsi?”

The sticker Jackson sends is of such a sleazy looking dog Jaebum can't help laughing out loud. 

“I miss you,” he hits ‘send’ before he has a chance to regret it. 

“Awwww cute hyung,” Jackson sends back and Jaebum is immediately embarrassed. This ‘talking about his feelings’ plan sure does bring results but is too hard on him.

“Stop mocking me,” he sends an annoyed cat sticker. 

“Stop being cute then. Ah, that's right, you can't :P”

They bicker for his whole trip home and as he scoops Nora up in his arms and gets comfy in his living room they facetime for a while. Jackson makes an appropriate amount of kissy faces at Nora before she gets too annoyed at Jackson for speaking to her while not actually being there and gets out of the room, away from this mystery. 

“Do I get some attention now?” Jaebum asks, deadpan as Jackson pleads for Nora to return. 

“Are you jealous?” Jackson jokes, and what the hell, Jaebum replies “yes” just to watch him get flustered. 

Jackson laughs awkwardly. He looks away from the camera and says he needs to get going soon.

“Ah, that's too bad,” Jaebum says honestly. “Call me later?”

But instead of ending the call Jackson bites his bottom lip and just looks at Jaebum for a while. 

“It's so weird,” he says in the end, “I miss your stupid face all the time, and I was sure I'll spend the rest of my life not seeing it ever again.”

“I wouldn't have let you,” Jaebum says so sincerely it hurts, “at the very worst, I'd be on all the music shows all the time, just to annoy you. Crashing all your dates with Jinyoung, releasing duets with Jimin.”

“Writing all the songs about your ex?” Jackson smiles, “Did wonders to Taylor Swift, couldn't argue with that.”

“I'm not like Taylor Swift,” Jaebum says, appalled. 

“You so are,” Jackson's smile is too bright to look at. “And I'll be Harry Styles then.”

“Who's that?”

Jackson gives him a blank look, “Don't be like that.”

Jaebum just laughs. 

“Our story would make such a shitty song though,” Jackson chuckles and Jaebum is immediately offended. 

“Why?” he asks defensively. “Both of our songs did good, don't you think so?”

“No, no, these two were okay, –”

“Yours was ‘okay’, mine was ‘Pray’!”

“– but that were break up songs, they always sound good. Also, not funny!”

“Says the one who laughed.”

“Did not!”

“Did too.”

“Did not!”

Jaebum just rolls his eyes. 

“Whatever,” Jackson mutters, “but there's no way our getting back together song would make any sense.”

And if Jaebum thinks about that, Jackson is right. What would it be about? Bickering over songs? Discussing a custody of one very annoyed cat? Having a date with all their friends present? Discussing their love life with their best friend's mom? And all of that culminating in a casual admittance that they are better off together with no dramatic kissing in the rain. What? It didn't rain. The thing is that, looking back, it's hard to think about all of that as the emotional rollercoaster it was. It feels more like the inevitable conclusion, like the only feasible outcome, kind of boring, actually. 

“To paraphrase Leo Tolstoy, happiness is more boring than sadness,” Jackson says as if reading into Jaebum’s mind and he almost drops his phone in surprise because what? 

“Who are you and what the fuck?” 

Jackson erupts into laughter at the look on Jaebum's face. 

“What! I'm not some illiterate!” Jaebum looks at him in disbelief and Jackson relents, “I've read it in the magazine on the plane. Don't look at me like that.”

“But still, something about new beginnings, maybe?” Jaebum says and he can already imagine a melody. 

“Like a new chapter,” Jackson nods, “I like it. A dawn of sorts...”

Jackson obviously is thinking it over, and it's fun to see him trying a phrase in his head. Even though it means the conversation is most probably over, Jaebum is a songwriter, he can't help admiring the creative process before his eyes. 

“Hey, I’ll call you later, okay?” Jackson has finally made up his mind and looks back at Jaebum, “I need to write that down.”

“Sure.”

As Jaebum disconnects Jackson says softly, “I’ll be back home soon.” The line is dead before Jaebum can say anything else. 

He sits for a little while startled by that, thinking about when Jackson is going to be back home here and not just to Seoul.

He doesn’t have much time to idle as his phone vibrates in his hands again. He smiles a little checking the ID.

“Hi mom,” he says accepting the call and heading to the kitchen. “How are you?”

“Hi dear,” his mom says, “I’m okay but how are you?”

He can clearly hear that she’s excited and damn, moms’ cooperation. 

“I’ve heard you’re going to Italy,” he says, and his mom laughs.

Jaebum turns the kettle on and looks at Nora sleeping on the window. He can see the playground Jackson tried to freeze to death on not two months ago in the window. It’s almost spring time already.

“Dear?” his mom calls out tentatively just as the kettle turns off, and Jaebum realizes he’s spaced out.

“I’m happy, mom” he rushes out, and he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the remaining chapter is a short epilogue and we're done. Yeah!


	15. Epilogue

As it happens, Jackson finds out the minute the article gets published. 

“Oh shit,” Jimin says as her phones buzzes with notifications.

“What is it?” Jackson asks as her eyes get large and her mouth stretches in a huge grin. The look she sends his way couldn't mean anything good to him. 

“There's a new article about Jaebum,” she says, her voice filled with such joy Jackson wants to check if Jaebum is even still alive. “Just listen to it, it's golden.”

“Do you have a notification alert set up on Jaebum?” Jackson is intrigued. 

“Sure I do,” Jimin says dismissively, “that's what real friends do. But you wouldn't know. Anyway, way to miss a point.” She sits straighter and starts reading aloud, “Last night an up and coming singer Im Jaebum was seen, blah blah blah, that's not interesting. He was sporting a black hoodie with a ‘Team Wang’ sign at the back. Is he leaving his label to join Jackson Wang’s company? Or is he just a supportive friend promoting Jackson's upcoming single? Or –” Jimin briefly lifts her eyes up, “– were all of his hoodies in the laundry and he just grabbed the one available? Reports say Jaebum has reunited with Jackson Wang, his best friend of over a decade. The pair used to share an apartment for a few years back but as they had more success lately they chose to live separately. (See: Im Jaebum gets his first PAK with ‘Pray’ since going solo; Team Wang reports 300% increase in profit in 2017). Some rumoured that the actual reason was a fight between the two, but happily the bromance is not dead. As of last month they are back to being nation's favourite roommates once again. ‘Renting in Seoul is still too expensive for one person,’ comments a source close to Jackson who’s recently signed a new promotional deal with Adidas. ‘Legal battle over their cat was too exhausting,’ provides his view on the situation a close friend of Im Jaebum.”

Jimin takes a deep breath as she finished reading and smiles, eyes still going over the article.

“They could have added a little more ‘NO HOMO’ to every second sentence,” she states her verdict, and Jackson rolls his eyes. He reaches for Jimin’s phone which she lets go of easily, “But did he really wear my hoodie? Are there photos?”

And there are. The quality is not too good, but it doesn’t matter, everything is clearly seen. Jaebum is really in his hoodie, how could he miss it last night? Jackson wasn’t in Seoul till late but he was back at home when Jaebum finally returned. 

Jackson can’t express a warm feeling he gets inside when he sees his name stretched across Jaebum’s back and he strokes the sign. It’s a bit too much. Jaebum is in his hoodie, and “Team Wang” was a part of why they fell apart, and he’s just out and about supporting Jackson’s label and even worse wearing Jackson’s name on his back. It makes Jackson want to do something drastic.

“Ewww,” Jimin makes a noise, “you look like a perv right now. It’s just a very bad photo of Jaebum, why do you turn into a marshmallow?” He ignores her. “Honestly, it was better when you hated each other.”

“No, it wasn’t,” he snorts and returns her phone not before sending a link to the article to himself.

“No, it wasn’t.” she agrees easily and gets up. When Jackson doesn’t follow her she rounds her eyes, “Why are you still here? Shouldn’t you be on your way home to kiss your darling?”

“My darling,” he repeats after her and then says because his heart is full to the brim, still not getting up, “I’m probably going to marry him someday.”

Jimin’s lips twitch. “I’ve obviously meant Nora, but you do you,” she says.

Jackson smiles and as he stands up he hugs her goodbye, ignoring her annoyed squeak, and then he’s gone. 

He takes the stairs because he doesn’t want to wait for an elevator and then he runs because he doesn’t want to wait for a taxi. And then (which is a bit later, and a reasonable time later than if he’d have taken a taxi) he takes stairs a few at a time, and then he’s before a door.

Jackdon’s heart is all doors, if you remember. So Jackson rings the doorbell, Jackson knocks. Jackson’s heart beats like crazy. But he ran, so it’s only to be expected.

When Jaebum opens the door, he’s sleepy and rumpled. “What’s the emergency?” he asks, shuffling on his feet, rubbing his eyes, “you have the keys.”

When babysitting his niece Jackson has watched Frozen about seven thousand times, so if anything he has his knowledge of modern classics up to date. All this time it was so stupid to try to let go when he's such a shitty Elza.

Jackson takes a step inside the apartment before Jaebum can take a step back. He stumbles a bit, thrown off balance, and Jackson puts his hands around him so he doesn't fall. When Jaebum opens his mouth to tell him off Jackson kisses him. 

Behind them the open door sways a little. 

Anna, who's a lot more like Jackson anyway, was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is done and over!  
> Thanks for reading and to a lot of you for leaving comments! 
> 
> I had no idea when I started this fic how it'd go so sorry if the story is weird. Writing WIPs is weird and unfair. You can't go back changing things as you see fit! And it went completely differently to what I initially thought of writing. Hopefully not too bad though xD Maybe not as hilarious as I wanted it to be but heartfelt I hope? 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for being there and for the enormous love this fic has received.


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